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“Do I feel comfortable being myself around this person? Do I feel like I have to earn their love or acceptance? Do I have to perform in order to receive their approval? Does their presence alone make me feel warm, comfortable, and accepted? If I gained all my weight back, do I fear that they would look down on me? Can I share the weak, fragile, wounded and bruised aspects of myself? Would they guard my heart as if it were their own? Can I share my joys without fearing they would envy my success? Simply, do our lives connect?”

If I can’t answer yes to those questions then I keep the person at a distance. Sure, not everyone is going to always make you feel completely safe because we are all imperfect human beings. However, everyone must determine for themselves what they prioritize in life, what is essential
for them to thrive and become the person God has designed them to be, and for me that requires being in safe relationships. As a single woman people always ask, “What is most important quality necessary in the man you desire to be with?” After putting a lot of thought into this question, I can respond without hesitation, “I have to feel completely safe being myself with him. That is how I will know he is the one for me.”

Liana Saidah Sims

Obesity Activist & Founder/CEO Freedom2Live

In the play, Jackson portrayed Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Angela Bassett played a vivacious, southern maid named Camae. A scene came about where the discussion of King’s wife came up and Camae pondered what Coretta Scott King was like, and more so asking questions about her appearance. These questions led King to confess his “type of woman” declaring he preferred his women like he liked his coffee, “with a little milk and sugar.” This response then prompted Camae to state that she preferred her men to be “dark.”

Intrigued by Dr. King’s statement, I reflect on the mindset of many African-American men today. Starting during the period of slavery,
being fair in complexion made women more desirable. In a sense saying, “The fairer, the better.” This concept could lead one to pin point the desire of the black man to capture what he could never have then, also known as the white woman.

Without a doubt, history molds the present and the future. The concept has been so far embedded in the African-American community, causing the community to cling to these disheartening perceptions of beauty. Black men in power are often spotted with a lighter complexioned, silky haired black woman and now even women of another ethnicity are becoming the “chosen”.

With this increasing shift of the black man’s desire for a lighter skinned mate or what some call a “red-bone”, it leaves you wondering where the black relationship stands in the future.

Sierra Stokes

The Maroon Tiger, Associate Chief Copy Editor

English Major/ Writing Minor

Spelman College C’2013

My beau, Michael Moore is an artist, IT executive, and author of 6 novels. In his series of novels, “Thank God for Plan B, Cause Plan A Didn’t Work”, the main character Johnathan comes to a hard reality that he has to forgive and surrender to God. During Johnathan’s childhood, he had a devastating experience. His father requested that his mother not come to his job dressed inappropriately and sexy. She did it anyway. His co-workers leered at her, his father defended her honor, a confrontation arose which led him to be shot in the head, an awful ending.

How can a 6 year old boy live with that for years and not forgive? How can he forgive his mother for his abusive childhood and the murder of his father? The story carries him through a life  time of challenges in relationships, career, and personal maturity. In the end, he learns to forgive, but he never forgot.

In your relationships with others, especially those you love, who should you forgive? Being February, the love month, can you honestly, let go of
those who hurt you? We must learn the lesson ourselves. Last year, I had to forgive my father for not visiting me more, and also forgive those who failed my trust. And, last but not least, I finally forgave myself for my own mistakes.

When I think of some of these things, I still get furious and just pissed off. I mean why should I give them a pass of love?

Then, I think of the powerful verse:

Acts 26:18 To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.

To release yourself of the stronghold of un-forgiveness, it’s worth a try to:

1. Acknowledge your feelings of bitterness or betrayal. These are real feelings that you can only overcome if they are openly recognized.

2. Try to understand why the person did what he or she did. Having empathy makes it easier to forgive. Considering the action or decision from the offender’s point of view could help you appreciate the influences that might have led them to act the way they did.

3. Abandon your resentment. This requires making a conscious choice to move forward and focus on a positive future rather than dwelling on the negative event from the past.

Forgiveness can be a constant and ongoing blessing to better health and peace of mind in any relationship. Praying the above prayer and believing that you can get through anything will help ease the hurt. Time will make it better. Our God loves us, and will never leave us. Never.

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Humanity has misinterpreted one of our most valuable allies in creation. We have done so by labelingour beautiful earth as violent and untamed. Nature is designed to utilize only what is necessary to sustain itself and is equipped with the intelligence to discern what is necessary for living in harmony with ALL of life’s expressions.

For example, within the animal kingdom the lion consumes what is needed for survival, the fowls rise early to obtain their essentials for the day’s journey, and the honeybee seeks only to absorb what is a requirement for its arduous work pollinating the field. How then have we as human beings managed to override our primordial instincts and create the discomfort that we observe in our relationships?

Perhaps it’s the fear of trusting in what we can’t immediately comprehend with our senses or the limited belief that if we don’t have “it” in our reach and at this very hour it may not be available if required in the future. Perceiving with the eyes only opens the door and allows transient things to dictate the intuitive voice of wisdom we ALL have. Today, begin to trust your guide…your good.

Mother Nature has supplied us with a successful blueprint to assist us in assimilating our partnerships. All it takes is a conscious effort and an openness to receive these simple yet profound points.

So as we observe the changing seasons, the inhale and exhale of the breeze that clothes itself in the healing rays of the sun,
and the guiding light of the moon as nature shifts from dusk till dawn, be reminded always of the lighthearted and effortless flow of nature.

Chadd Bell

Celebrity Makeup Artist & Image Consultant

www.chaddbell.com

         

‘“You did a great job on the titles project”.   What did he just say? What does that mean?  The exchange is always cordial with an undertone of flirtatiousness. Was that flirting? Or was he just being polite and complimentary?

When he came around my desk to get a better look at what I was referring to on my computer screen during our discussion, I wondered did he
want to be close to me or just get a closer look at the monitor?  I’m not sure but he sure smells good!’

You think your boss is the hottest, “perfect” man.  He’s charismatic, smart, handsome and well dressed.  He exudes confidence, good wit, and everyone goes to him for everything.

He smiles and you are in awe of how one person’s smile could just light up a room or a mood.  Or your heart for that matter.  You actually look forward to going to work now.  Sort of. 

Romance in the workplace? If you think about it, it happens often and is not that surprising considering that most people spend more hours at work than at home.  They develop relationships, camaraderie, and attraction due to the time spent together, similar talents and shared workplace
experiences and goals. However, before you declare your love (or lust) and launch the romance, here are a few things to consider or do:

Find out your company’s policy on consensual workplace relationships.   Most companies do not prohibit dating; however, have policies in place that outline expectations and protocol about such relationships. 

Disclose the relationship to management.  In this case, your boss’s boss and HR.  Be open and honest.  Most workplace romance policies require managers to report their romantic relationships with employees and encourage non-managers to report relationships with fellow employees.  You should let the appropriate persons know when the relationship begins, ends, or ceases to be consensual.

If you and your boss become an item, you will probably no longer be able to work together in a direct reporting relationship.  One of you will be moved (to a different department and/or role), as romantic or sexual relationships between workers may have the potential of creating conflicts of interest, potential charges of sexual harassment, or distractions that interfere with the productivity, morale and efficiency of other employees.  It becomes too much of a risk to keep you together as your boss typically has access to confidential information and the ability to make decisions on matters such as promotions and compensation.  And perception is everything.  There could be resentment from other employees who feel that favoritism occurs because of your relationship.

And, if the relationship ends, no matter how it ends, remain professional and above board. While you are involved, enjoy a healthy, fulfilling relationship and be mindful of your behaviors at work.  If a break up does occur, do not talk about it to co-workers or bad mouth your boss.  Remind yourself of the qualities that were once so attractive in the beginning of the relationship and agree that it was good while it lasted.  Isn’t that what love is about anyway?

Elicia Wood, SPHR, GPHR

Human Resource and Career Consultant

To love, you must love yourself first and know yourself worth. Truthfully, we all make mistakes and take blame for things that happen. I have mastered this.”

“In a nutshell, I think relationships are about working with one another and genuinely loving each other. To do so, we have to forgive, compromise, and work on the relationship as it requires. Often we give up too soon. But I believe faith and spirituality play a great and undervalued part in building strong, lasting relationships. Sometimes you have to walk through the fire and dance in the rain to be cleansed.”

Be Transparent. We must shed our protective skin and be willing to be raw with our emotions. Strong relationships require you to be emotionally
transparent to coexist. And, you have to be understanding because as much as we think we can change a person, we can’t. If you really love your partner, work on the relationship instead of trying to work on the person.

Practice Forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness is the antidote to a solid relationship and it deepens the bond. Let’s face it, relationships have
ups and downs. And, when you’re hurting or have hurt someone, it’s best to forgive each other or at least ride or die trying.

Powerfully Communicate. If there’s something bothering you, say it. We must learn to express ourselves.  And, we must learn to listen and receive the communication given by our partners. It’s not just about our personal truth but also about the truth of the person we love.

Together, these components have lent themselves to building stronger relationships and given me a greater appreciation for the deep component of spirituality called “FAITH”. I can say because of my faith I am happier in my relationships. So, stand strong in your faith and watch as it helps you stand strong in love.

Julie Washington

Professional Make Up Artist & Licensed Holistic Esthetician

Guideline #1

Keep Moving Forward…..As wonderful as we believe 2012 will be, we also know that we are going to face trouble.  Like the old folks say, “If you haven’t seen trouble just keep living.”  Don’t let the troubles paralyze you.  There may be times when all you can take is one step, take the step.  You can be sure that troubles won’t last always and when you’ve come through them, you will still be further along than you were when you started.

Guideline #2

Say Yes……This one can be tricky.  This is not a say yes to everything that comes along.  You must already know what your priorities are and you must be clear about your direction.  This one really is about fear and how quickly we say no to opportunities that come our way.  Saying no is easy.  It’s the comfortable thing to do; however, saying no does not move us forward.  Saying yes will keep us moving forward.

Guideline #3

Seize the opportunity……Alright, let’s do it!  When opportunity knocks, and it will, give it all the gusto you have.  Tackle it with your most creative thoughts and your most passionate ideas.  Get excited and watch others get excited with you!

With these guidelines, 2012 will take you to places you have never seen and have you doing things you never thought were possible.  Like I said, I am so excited about 2012!

Yolanda Williams

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